You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think my vagina is haunted
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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