I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
