There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
