I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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