weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
