I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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