is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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