Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
