Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
