fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
