Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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