Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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