i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
