I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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