WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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