Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
