i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
