Got a toothbrush?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
