Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
