He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
