Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
