trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
