glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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