i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize