Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He better not be in your backpack
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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