I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
