I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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