I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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