NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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