my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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