Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
