Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Welp...herpes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
