I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
