But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
