her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
