Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
