grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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