just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
