I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
