So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You can't motorboat a personality
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
