We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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