I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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