I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Omg the world wants us to be better people