I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.