is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.