Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
