I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
