you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
