I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
