mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
