He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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