There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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