I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
