Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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