your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
