Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
