when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
