i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
