then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
whose ass print is on the piano?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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