I've blown a few things in my day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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