So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i now understand why vodka
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
