Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
