I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
