Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
