yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
