Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
