Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
