Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
