You're my little dorito
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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